Osaka's Q&A session!
by explodreamer
Summary: This is from Osaka's POV she asks questions, she gets answers. But we all know about the gals. Check out their answers!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh!

This is from Osaka's point of view. So she goes around the school asking people about her questions. The answers are well…. Watch and see…

* * *

**What is "NPV"?**

Teachers' Room

Yukari: Huh? What's that? Is that even edible?

Nyamo: Sounds familiar… Sounds like something I don't like….

Classroom

Sakaki: …. I'm not really sure…

Kaorin: …. …-busy staring at Sakaki-

Tomo: I know! It's the password to activate the nuclear bomb in Jupiter!

Yomi: It is NOT the password to activate the nuclear bomb in Jupiter!

Tomo: Then, tell me what it is? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!

Yomi: ARGH! SHUT IT!

Kagura: -joins in conversation- Isn't that simple? It's English!

Yomi: Yes! You're right! Erm… basically, it's the 14th, 16th , and the 22nd alphabet together!

Tomo and Kagura: Wow…… How did you do that? How many years did you spend memorizing them?

Yomi:- smiles proudly-

Chiyo: What are you girls doing?

Osaka: Hi, Chiyo….I was wondering… what NPV was… I read it… in the papers today…

Chiyo: Oh I see! NPV stands for Net Present Value. It's a term used in financial accounting. It's a method of ranking investment proposals using the present value of the future net cash flows, discounted at the cost of capital.

Silence

Osaka: -turns around- You people were wrong….

Tomo: -points to everyone- Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka!

Yomi: SHUT IT!

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Hope you people out there liked it! Please R&R! 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh!

**Have you heard of the Hollow space arrangement theory?**

Sakaki: …. Hollow space theory? I've never heard of that.

Yomi: I doubt it's something that you should have heard of….

Chiyo: I've never heard of it too. What is the theory about?

Baka trio: WAHAHAHA!

Tomo: Behold! Bow to us! Admire us! Pray to us! Beg for us! Wash our feet! Kiss our bu…

Yomi: What is it that you want to tell us?

Kagura: Hehehe! It is a theory invented by the three of us!

Osaka: -smiles evilly-

Flashback

-KON!-

Osaka: Owwww…

Kagura: Be careful! It sounds like it hurts a lot…

Tomo: Whoa… that was loud. It sounds as if it's empty.

Kagura: That's a very bad thing to say to someone who just knocked into a lamp post with her head!

Tomo: No, I mean it. If you knock on your head, you can also hear some sound right? Like this… -demonstrate by knocking her head with her knuckle-

Kagura: -tries it too- Oh… I think I hear it. But aren't we supposed to be dead if there's a hole in our brains?

Osaka: No wonder…

Tomo and Kagura: No wonder what?

Osaka: No wonder I can't remember anything I study. Because it's hollow, the things I try to remember can't get through to the other side of my brain.

Tomo and Kagura: Oh…

-Everyone stops for a while to think about it-

Tomo: No… I think it's because there's an empty hole in the middle, the stuff we study gets reflected inside the skull so much that it disintegrates into nothing!

Osaka and Kagura: Oh…

End of Flashback

-Silence-

The Baka Trio looks at the people, waiting…

Chiyo: Oh… erm… wow? Nice, erm… discovery?

The Baka Trio changes their attention to Chiyo and smiles at her, waiting…

Chiyo: Erm… nice theory? … … Ah! I wonder if the theory applies to me?

Yomi: -sensing danger- NO! The theory does not apply…

Immediately, Tomo and Kagura grabs Chiyo and aims her at the blackboard, her head pointing at it. Osaka has already drawn a bull's eye on the board and is standing next to it, smiling.

Tomo and Kagura: One! Two!

Chiyo: -screaming hysterically- AHHHHHHHHH! SAVE ME!

Yomi: Stop it! You'll kill her!

Tomo and Kagura: Three!

-KOOOOOOOOOoooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnn-

Baka Trio: … …

Yomi: You killed her!

Sakaki: -rushes to Chiyo and helps her up- Are you alright?

Chiyo: Owww… Owww… Waaaaaaaaa… It hurts!

Osaka: Oh… That was loud…

Kagura: -nods her head in agreement- Yeah…

Tomo: -very enthusiastically- Who wants to try next?

Yomi: NO ONE!

Pls R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh!

Pls note that KW means Kimura's wife. So far, I do not know her name. If anyone has any idea what her name is, pls tell me! Thank you! And on to the story!

* * *

**Mr and Mrs Kimura**

Chiyo and group are having their lunch under the tree near the corridor. There was still some time left before lunch break is over. Kimura's wife walks out of the school building happily, carrying her empty lunchbox.

Chiyo: Hey! Isn't that Kimura sensei's wife? – waves happily - Mrs Kimura! Over here!

KW: Hi! Hi! - runs blindly to the group -

Chiyo: - frantically - Ah! Look out for the…

-SPLAT! (KW falls flat onto the corridor)-

Chiyo: …step up the corridor…

Osaka: Owww…

Sakaki: …Too late…

* * *

Yomi: So… you brought sensei's lunch to him today too?

KW: Yes! –smiles happily- he loves the lunch that I prepares and always wants me to bring it to him. He prefers me to make the lunch look lovey dovey and he loves omelettes in it! He always requests me to make…

Tomo: Whoa… I didn't know she can ramble on like that… just like Yomi!

Yomi: -whacks Tomo- I do NOT ramble!

Osaka: ... Why?

Yomi: Well, because I do NOT ramble on like that… wait a minute, what were you asking about?

Osaka: Why did Mr Kimura and Mrs Kimura get married?

-The group looks at Mrs Kimura who is still rambling on. They turn around and whisper-

Yomi: No matter how true it is…YOU MUST BE JOKING!

Sakaki: … Because he is the father?

The rest: ... ...

Tomo: He must be the Sex God!

Kagura: The ultimate Sex partner!

The rest: What!

Yomi: What are you both talking about in front of Chiyo?

Chiyo: -blushes-

Tomo: I mean, look at her! –group turns around and looks at rambling Mrs Kimura- She might have got pregnant and forgot who she slept with!

-The group turns around and looks at Mrs Kimura. She has just finished her story about Kimura's lunch box-

KW: -smiles sweetly-

Chiyo: Erm… do you have any children?

KW: -smile sweetly-

Osaka: -very seriously- Did you marry to Kimura sensei because you woke up one morning and saw him by your side?

The rest: -shocked at Osaka's question-

KW: Hmmm….

The group: -looks at her nervously-

KW: Hmmm...

-At last-

KW: –asks innocently- … You mean… I'm married to him?

The group: -shocked- NOOOOOOOO!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Azumanga Daioh!

* * *

**Why hiccups go hic?**

Osaka walks into the classroom like a zombie.

Osaka: Morning…. Oww…

Chiyo: Er… Morning, Osaka! … Why are you greeting the black board?

Osaka: -turns around, confused- Ah…. Morning, Chiyo-chan…

Sakaki: … Morning…?

Tomo: -pats Osaka on the shoulder, impressed- That's a good one, Osaka! But you're being a little mean to Chiyo! Next time refer to me. That way, Chiyo would not be too demoralized!

Chiyo: -tries a death glare at Tomo-

Osaka: -hic!- (hiccups, if you didn't realize)

Tomo: Oh yeah! – prepares a punch-

Sakaki: - stops Tomo by holding her up by her arms-

Yomi: No, you don't, Tomo. You're gonna be sued if you keep doing the same stuff. I'll make sure there's a criminal law set up just to sue you.

The classes went on with Osaka's occasional hiccupping and nodding. But, unexpectedly she wasn't nodding off to sleep. It made Yukari hold off her 'textbook attack' when Osaka was staring her (into space, actually) with her zombie glare.

During lunch break

Chiyo: Osaka, are you alright? You don't seem to be feeling well…

Osaka: - squints at Chiyo- I don't know…. My head hurts and the hiccups are making it worse, Sakaki.

Yomi: Osaka, you're beginning to give me the impression that you're doing it on purpose. Did Tomo enter your dreams last night and brainwashed you?

Osaka: -Looks at the black board- The hiccups make me jump, and when I jump, my head jerks and when my head jerks, my head hurts even more… -hic!- Ow…

Tomo: -prepares a punch again-

Yomi: -grabs Tomo's fist and shouts at her- JUST HOW LONG ARE YOU PLANNING TO KEEP THIS UP? YOU'RE LETTING IT GO TILL THE END, RIGHT?

Osaka: Ow…. The shouting…

Chiyo: Ah! Stop fighting, Yomi, Tomo. –turns to Osaka- Did you sleep well last night, Osaka?

Osaka: I fell asleep at 8pm last night…

Yomi: That's long… That's almost 10 hours, assuming you wake up at 6 in the morning.

Osaka: -nods her head, but stops abruptly- Ow… but I woke up in the middle of the night because of the hiccups. I couldn't go back to sleep after that.

Yomi: Did you eat anything spicy for dinner?

Osaka: -shakes her head, but stops abruptly (again)- Ow…. No… The 'hics' were so noisy… I couldn't sleep… It was 'hic! hic! hic! hic! hic! hic! hic! hic! hic! hic! hic! hic!'

Everyone watches as she relieves the terrible night. She was in her world again.

Yomi: Ok, Osaka. That's enough. We understand.

Osaka: -hic!- Why does hiccups go hic? –stares at black board-

Chiyo: Er… -struggling to decide whether to answer-

Yomi: -in a warning voice- Chiyo, you're letting Osaka get away with this. It's alright not to answer her.

Osaka: -squints at the black board- Why?

Chiyo: Ah! Erm.. The sudden rush of air into the lungs causes epiglottis – a flap like lid that guards the opening of between the vocal folds - to close, creating the 'hic' sound.

Yomi: -sighs- If this goes on any longer, she'll take you to be the black board, Chiyo…

Osaka: So if I slash my throat, I won't have hiccups anymore? –points her mechanical pencil dangerously at her neck-

Chiyo: -screams hysterically- AHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OSAKA!!!!

Sakaki grabs Osaka while Yomi snatches the mechanical pencil away.

Yomi: Osaka, if you do that, you will have to worry about getting the oxygen to your brains! Plus, you're freaking yourself out! Look! You're not having hiccups anymore!

Tomo: That's right! There will be a whistle-like sound when you breathe! You have to _censored_ entirely…

Yomi: -covers Tomo's mouth with her palm- Stop giving Osaka weird ideas!!! Have you been watching too much _censored _movies?

Soon, Osaka sits down and nods off to dream land. No more will the hiccups disturb her sleep. The rest were too excited (too tired for Yomi and Sasaki) to continue their lunch.

Osaka: -very, very traumatized- No… Osaka…. Ah! No… Osaka…

Yomi: -sighs and looks at Tomo and Osaka- I'm going to sue both of you when I become a lawyer.

Next morning

Tomo walks into the classroom and stops in front of Yomi's desk. Under her eyes were heavy eye bags.

Tomo: -hic!- Where's Yomi? –hic!- Who's this bloated woman over here? –hic!-

Yomi: -grips her mechnical pencil- Don't think you can get away with this like Osaka. I'll _censored_ you entirely.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the long wait... Serious writer's block. I wanted to make sure the Azumanga essence remains. Hope this is not too bad and that you've enjoyed it. Thanks for the reviews for the past few chapters and keep more coming!!! Oh, and don't take Chiyo's lecture on hiccups seriously. I have no idea how much of it is accurate. Pls R&R!!! 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Azumanga Daioh!

* * *

**Where's the Rubbish Bin?**

On the way home, Osaka and Tomo were drinking milk tea. They had bought it from the drink dispenser machine in school.

Osaka: -downs the last bit of tea- sssssssssssssllllllllllllllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Yomi shifts her eyes uncomfortably while Chiyo focuses her attention on the streets. Tomo and Kagura stare at Osaka.

Osaka: SSSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Kagura: -uncomfortably- Osaka, you're being very loud…

Tomo nods her head in agreement.

Osaka: -blank expression- ssssllllllluuuuu….sss…ssss…ssss…slu?

Tomo: You're noisy! An elegant lady doesn't slurp her drink!!! – slaps Osaka's back _very_ hard –

Osaka: Ack! – tea squirts out from her nose and mouth – _hhee…lllpp…. _

Sakaki: - immediately pulls out tissue paper and hands it to Chiyo-

Chiyo: Ah! Osaka-san!!! Calm down!– Passes tissue paper to Osaka frantically –

Osaka: _–_Cough! Cough!- _dro… drowing…can't… breath…_

Sakaki: -lifts her head up to the air, holds up her fists- Osaka, do this! 'hi, hi, hu… hi, hi, hu…'

Chiyo: -sweat drops- That's wrong, isn't it? That's what pregnant women does.

Tomo: - steps away from Osaka with a disgusted look – Ewwwww…. That's not lady-like…

Yomi: - slaps Tomo's head – DOES A LADY MAKES HER FRIEND CHOKE ON HER TEA?

Kagura: - slaps Tomo's shoulder – WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? YOU'RE A DISGRACE!!!

Tomo: Ack! – spills her tea-

After ten minutes of chaos, the group continues their way home.

Osaka: -looks around- Eh….

Chiyo: What's wrong, Osaka-san? Are you alright?

Osaka: - holds up her empty cup stuffed full of used tissue paper – Where's the rubbish bin?

Sakaki: -points to a takoyaki stall- There's a rubbish bin a few steps after the stall.

Osaka: -impressed- Wow! You sure can see far!!!

Tomo: - puts on a smirk- Ha ha! Sakaki is tall enough to see much more than us!

Kagura: - distastefully – Why are you acting so smug? You're not the tall one. Sakaki happens to mature faster than us.

Kagura notices Tomo staring at Sakaki. She looks at Sakaki from head to chest… and stops there. Embarrassed, Sakaki looks away. The group stops in front of the rubbish bin and Osaka throws away the rubbish.

Yomi: Come to think of it –looks at Tomo suspiciously- Where's your rubbish?

Tomo: -looks at Yomi questioningly- Huh? –breaks into laughter- Ha ha ha ha ha! What are you talking about?

Yomi: -raises her eyebrow- I'm talking about your empty cup! And the pieces of used tissue! Where is it?

Tomo: -keeps the bright smile on her face, but no longer laughing- … I dumped it…

Chiyo: Eh? Was there a rubbish bin back there?

Tomo: -bright smile fading- No… I dumped it…

Kagura: -slaps Tomo's shoulder- Did you just litter on the street?

Tomo: - nods her head as the last remains of her bright smile fades away –

Yomi: -sighs- Tomo…

Osaka: -stares at her in very dramatised horror-

Tomo: -empty smile mould on her face- … is it wrong? I shouldn't have dumped it? –stares at group with puppy eyes-

Kagura: -looks away uncomfortably- Er… to say it's wrong… well, you needed to dump it… maybe it's not so wrong…

Yomi: -sternly- Tomo, it's ethically wrong to litter. You'll be dirtying the streets. It's socially irresponsible.

Tomo: -looks extremely guilty and depressed-

Chiyo: -consolingly- But since we're already so far away, let's just forget about it, right, Sakaki-san?

Sakaki: -nods her head- As long as you don't litter again, everything will be fine.

Tomo: -on the verge of tears, chin trembling. She tugs Yomi's sleeve- Yooommmiiii... I... dropped my... Ayu Special waaaaay back there... Return there together with me...

Yomi: -sarcastically- You don't have any Ayu Special. What is that, anyway? -softens and sighs- Chiyo and Sakaki are right. Just learn your lesson and stop littering.

Tomo: -brightens up and smiles-

Osaka: - shakes her head darkly - It's not over yet. Every night, an undercover would go around the streets picking litter. He finds the owner who littered just by smelling it. Then, just before dawn breaks, the man would be in the litterbug's house… _and kills him._

Kagura: -suspiciously- Don't tell me you were holding on to the cup because of that reason.

Osaka: -turns her head to Kagura slowly and creepily- Yes...

The group stares at her dumbfounded.

Tomo: -monotonous robotic laughter- Ha ha ha! How could you find someone just by smelling the litter?

Everyone laughs along, not noticing the Tomo's uneasiness.

Chiyo: Ha ha! Yes! Unless the man has a dog who does the sniffing! Like Tadakichi-san!!!

Everyone continues to laugh. Soon, the group reaches the intersection and went separate ways. Later in the middle of the night, Tomo knocks on Yomi's bedroom window.

Yomi: -walks to the window sleepily and opens it-What are you doing here?

Tomo: -smiles creepily and tugs Yomi's sleeve- Let's go to school, Yomi. Let's go to school, Yomi. Let's go to school, Yomi. Let's go to school, Yomi. Let's go to school, Yomi. Let's go to school, Yomi. Let's go to school, Yomi. Let's go to school, Yomi.

Yomi: -tries to pull her arm back- Now? It's not even morning!

Tomo: -holds on to Yomi's arm and cries hysterically- CHIYO IS GOING TO KILL ME ONCE TADAKICHI FINDS ME!!

Yomi: -yawns- Get a grip!

* * *

A/N: I did this when I was bored in the office with no work to do. So I hope the idea is not too weird. I had to minimize the Word window and try as much as to type the format out well. Pls R&R!!! 

Thanks to the following for your reviews!!!

one who goes meep, TheSilverback, OtakuOtter, Demigod, Weener1, Black Archangel, dorcas, Don Piano, Ruto Kuntai and balambfish

Thanks for your support till now and I do hope you will continue to do so:D


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